Facing Resistance & Seeking Clarity

Josie's Midweek Musings - Issue 2

Bulli Beach - one of my favourite places to go to so I can dip my toes into the ocean and figure it all out. Camera: Ricoh KR-10 Super. Film: Kodak Gold. Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

Procrastination still has a tight grip on me.

I’ve recently learned in trauma therapy that its a form of shutdown I don’t get a choice in - at least not right now when I’m in the depths of burnout.

And it frustrates me so much that I fight it each time by shaming myself for not being ‘better than this’. I stress myself out over all the wasted time spent doom scrolling or staring off into nothingness. I get angry that I’m not being productive enough.

This usually happens in cycles - where I’ve been overworked (and severely underpaid while doing so) and had allowed it to happen because I felt like I needed to ‘prove myself’.

I know this is heavily linked in with feelings of shame and internalized ableism for being a disabled person - and having been disabled since I was a kid you can bet your ass that I had a lot of unrealistic expectations placed on me to “heal and overcome it”.

It still affects every facet of my being…

Unknown pathways in life have always terrified me, and yet I can recall how many times I’ve walked down an actual one only to be pleasantly surprised… Camera: Ricoh KR-10 Super. Film: Kodak Gold. Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

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