Returning To Presence
Turns out going out and touching grass is actually good for you.
Hey Film Fam!
It’s been a little while! I appreciate those of you who are still sticking around, and the few of you who’ve checked in to see if I’m okay.
I’m alright! I’ve just been dealing with some health complications following an unexpectedly busy start to the year and have only just started coming out the other side. So it’ll be a little bumpy as I get back into a routine again, but I’m SO excited that you’re still here!
I’ve got so many bloody rolls of film to edit and share, a whole new batch brewing and waiting to be developed, and of course some really cool projects yet to unfold.
This one is a mini-newsletter catching you up on what’s to come, and briefly touching on what’s been happening in my little world.
Here’s what you can expect from the ‘Josie On Film’ Newsletters in the coming weeks:
‘Through My Viewfinder’ - my FREE newsletter as always will be sticking around so have no fear!
There’s several installations lined up. A trip out to Glen Davis which is edited and ready to be turned into a blog, then my little adventure to Central Coast where I got to play around with my new Pentax K1 as well for a ‘Film vs Digital’ comparison - plus in a few weeks time I’ll be on a proper vacation where I plan to shoot plenty of film!
Oh and hopefully I’ll develop my first ever (successful?) roll shot with my ‘new’ Ricohflex TLR… yes you heard that right, ya girl has gotten herself a medium format camera! She’s a bit rough around the edges and needs to be torn down and rebuilt just a little, but I’m keen to crack on with that project.
It’s definitely been a learning curve so far! You can watch my lowkey embarrassing experience over on my reels:
Occasional free educational newsletters - such as recaps of content events, current film news, new camera gear or repairs I’m doing, film resources, etc. These will be more casual and much shorter.
For example - I just recently went to the Ricoh Gin x GR social meet which was absolutely amazing! I’m excited to develop the two rolls of film I shot and tell you all about my first time experience of mixing a custom blend of Gin - which was actually a lot harder than I expected!
‘How-to’ guides + content - these will be more in depth full of all the technical info you’d ever want or need to know about learning specific film techniques - accessible to paid subscribers only. I’m shifting some things to either a paid workbook, or in person workshops which will go even further than I’m able to on here. So consider these newsletters a low-cost and affordable way of dipping your toes into some educational goodies I’ll have on offer through 2024!
Advanced Techniques - I’m working on a newsletter about Pushing Film + a Night Time Portrait Editorial I did a little while ago, as well as a more in depth look at using continuous lighting in difficult scenarios for portraits and automotive work.
I’m keen to break down exactly how I organized this shoot, mood boarding, how we went about handling the lighting, selecting what gear + film would work best, and of course setting up the lights.
‘Behind The Scenes’ of client work and ‘First Look’ content will be split between some free and paid newsletters here on my Substack, and after approx 1-2 weeks the images will appear on my other websites.
I have 4 galleries I’m currently working on, two of them are car shows I attended a little while ago and will go up as soon as they’re done, and another will be a more in depth look at what it’s like to attend Content Creator Days with 7 photographers and 7 models - all teaming up to create cool art for portfolio building.
I can’t share a sneak peek of those photos from that event yet, but I guarantee your mind will be blown once you see the gorgeous portraits and the end result of combining Cinefilm with a sneaky little secret that was used often in the 80’s.
And lastly - I’m really keen to do a few more audio style newsletters, so I’m toying with the idea of adding audio to my ‘Through My Viewfinder’ series, or making a sub-series where it’s just me talking about photos and directing you to flick through them like a slideshow.
I’ve done it once in a previous newsletter where I gave that a whirl and it’s still one of my top read posts. Some of you really loved that, so please leave a comment if you would like to see that again and I’ll get cracking ASAP!
What I’ve learned while I’ve been gone:
This is the part where I get a little sappy - so if that’s not for you, skip right ahead to the end, no stress!
So my biggest life theme has been to be more present - an ongoing struggle it seems, but it’s been really important for me to try to return to a ‘baseline’ of actually being grounded and well… fucking here and not dissociating into the bloody void, no matter how tempting it is to do so.
It’s really easy for my health to go to shit, like it has unfortunately after some stressful scenarios that were totally unexpected over a 3-4 week timeframe. My body takes a long time to heal thanks to my disabilities, specifically Fibro - but in amongst the annoying side effects and endless symptoms I have to manage, there’s an important lesson I’ve been learning.
Hold space for yourself, and figure out how to listen to your body. It seems kinda wishy washy I know - yet it works. I’ve been exploring ways I can move and feel connected to myself while simultaneously being “busy” yet unwinding - even though it feels weird and kind of counterproductive? Somehow it works though, turns out my chaotic brain enjoys running like crazy and going over potential to-do lists and working out solutions while I’m multitasking. I’ve also introduced a new yoga practice after my previous one of being rather repetitive left me feeling bleh and distracted rather than engaged, and I’ve been really trying to enforce some boundaries with myself.
I suck at keeping my own promises to myself, so I’ve been doing everything I can to make sure I follow through, even on small things like “Oh I’ll go and put that thing away in 5 minutes time.” etc.
I was asked recently why I self abandon, why I put myself last, and specifically the biggest tearjerker for me - why I always put my health as the lowest priority. People pleasing is generally the answer, followed by issues with self worth. I could sit and talk about it all day but it’s truly that I’m just kind of a bit shit towards myself. And I’ve had an opportunity to try to be a bit kinder and gentle while I navigate this current flare up.
It’s been beyond bloody frustrating, and some days I’ve been so stressed about ‘falling behind’ that I made myself sicker - but I trust and believe that at the end of the day once I’m well enough to show up as my usual bubbly self, people will still be there, keen to welcome me back with open arms.
Luckily in the realm of 35mm Film I’ve been working with some super cool people who are understanding and generally just want me at my best, so it’s refreshing to find others who allow me the time and space to show up as healed as possible, rather than expecting me to just push through it all.
I’ve written a lot of poetry while taking a small break too. I’ve even taken a huuuuuge risk to enter my work into a fellowship program and managed to not talk myself out of applying lol.
So as always, I want to share a (mostly spoken word) poem that I’m really proud of that I wrote recently. I guess it’ll explain what’s been going on rather than the vague dancing around subjects I’m so good at doing oops.
The Ghosts Within by Josie Goris, written in Undercurrent poetry class, April 13th, 2024 Sunlit kitchen on a summer's day, windows wide open to let the fresh air in, she stands there with sticky hands in a giant pot of dough, making sweet treats for all of us. The laughter of an Italian grandmother, waving a wooden spoon around enthusiastically while her daughters argue over whether the oil is hot enough, and if there’s too much sugar in the coffee, and how are we going to fit all this food on the table - quickly now, there’s people coming soon. I sit and stare at the chandeliers in the hallway, thinking about sliding down the stair railing like a rebellious little shit, despite knowing it's dangerous. I’m too young to realise these days are numbered, and soon this house will no longer hold the most magnetic woman I know, these hallways will not reverberate the music playing from the lounge room, nor will I smell fresh baby powder and peeled garlic near constantly. I drive by the house a decade and a half later, sit in my car and cry. I didn’t get to say goodbye - as an adult at least, and somehow that’s what matters more to me. There’s so much left to say, so many questions left unanswered. The history of the woman I’m named after is only able to be told through whispers, secondhand stories, and uncertainty. Never first hand. I search for pieces of her, and pieces of the girl I was everywhere I go - the innocence before the grief - the naivety of believing those I love will never fade away. I continue to find out the hard way that people will leave all the time, in more ways than one. A best friend escapes her family life, gets shipped a state away, meets a man and runs with him to the other side of the country, vowing never to return. I still see the two of us holding hands and braiding one another's hair in that high school playground, feeling the last time we hugged without knowing it was the last time, her arms still warm around me. Another meeting the love of his life while on holiday and uprooting everything, determined to grow deeper elsewhere, the community of like minded creatives falling to pieces, unable to be replaced. He’s different now, harsher, cold, but I still sit on the balcony and think of the time he chased me down to return a water bottle, the way we sat and gushed about an ideal future life, debated about the state of the world. He carefully read over my work, gave me a voice, set me free. I drove two hours down the coast just to say goodbye, and it wasn’t enough, never will be. A father figure removed by choice, reemerged briefly, House full of a legacy he couldn’t let go of, nor pass on. Always asking what I’m doing, spends hours telling me facts about his past. I see my own fathers blue eyes in his, watch the mannerisms and realise where my inheritance of folding handkerchiefs and flicking a fountain pen comes from, or the way that everything is an organised chaos, borderline hoarding. Not enough time spent reconnecting, but still it was better than nothing. And then there’s my past self. At 17, with a blade pressed against her wrist and a fistfull of pills, wanting to fade away into nothing - trying, but not succeeding. Still she’s out there somewhere, sometimes she’s in the back of my throat, other times curled up in my heart pounding away. Occasionally I can see her standing separately in the field while I’m out at Glen Davis, taking a photo of our dream car we finally got, now 29 and thriving. And I can picture her smiling, grateful that the desire of becoming a ghost was only temporary.
See you next time!
Thanks for tuning into this mini-newsletter. Full length ones coming again very soon, it’s all locked in on my calendar and I’ve carved out the time to get cracking on some very fun photos and experiences I’m excited to share with you!
P.S -
My next 35mm Film workshop will be happening at Port Botany in Sydney, NSW - limited to just 5 spots! Tickets will be released soon, so don’t miss out! There will be an announcement over here and on my IG once they go live some time over the next few weeks. I’m just ironing out the final details!
And if you can’t afford it or the date doesn’t work for you, don’t stress! In August or September I’ll be doing a fun themed event where fellow creatives can catch up, hang out, and get a chance to snap some cool content for portfolio use - this one will be donation based with a suggested amount to help me out with costs involved in hosting.
It’s super important to me that I keep providing an inclusive and accessible space - even as I try to pivot towards being compensated for my hard work and unique skill set as a 35mm Film Specialist.
If you love what I do, you can upgrade to be a paid subscriber to catch some of the super cool full galleries and educational content coming this year, or if you’d just love to chuck a few dollarydoos my way to help support my ongoing art, you can donate directly HERE.
And as always, there’s no obligation to do so if you’re just hanging out for the free goodies!
So in saying that - if you’re in the Blue Mountains, South Coast, or wider Sydney area and want to get in contact with me, whether to book a shoot, book a mentorship, or get more info for my creative workshops and events - you can catch me over on my Instagram.
Until the next roll, take care!
xoxo, Josie