Rewinding, Reloading, and Pushing Film

I'm on a Podcast! + End of year review, and what’s coming next in 2025!

Jan 01, 2025

Staring out into the endless possibilities - Camera: Kodak VR35 K12, Film: 200T, Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

Happy 2025 Film Fam!

Yes, that’s right, it’s officially January 1st, 2025 and we’re the same amount of time away from 2000 as we are 2050 - sorry not sorry. Wouldn’t be a New Year’s celebration without a little existential crisis would it?

In true ‘Josie On Film’ fashion, I overcommitted and underestimated how much time I had left during the holiday break to actually work on things before the New Year. I did initially begin writing/editing this at 11:54pm on New Years Eve after a couple of drinks, and then briefly mentioned in my notes a menty-b, and got distracted by the broadcast fireworks display… classic me.

So, let’s all grab a hangover cure (ginger ‘beer’ for an upset tummy today!), let the confetti and streamers settle in, and let’s get cracking with a combined ‘last post of 2024’ and ‘first post of 2025’ style update newsletter!

[Between 1st January - 20th January I’ll be essentially offline - out there touching grass hopefully. Perhaps this break (not another actual one I hope) will bring clarity for me and an eagerness from you to reconnect with me when I return. Either way, you’ll get plenty of notice when things will return to normal!]

All the film shots in this newsletter are unedited raw scans. Enjoy! Camera: Kodak VR35 K12, Film: 200T, Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

Holy Shit, I’m on a Podcast! (And Now I'm Starting a YouTube Channel?!)

Okay, so you're not hallucinating. This film gremlin actually made it onto a podcast! I had a chat with Hashem McAdam from Pushing Film, and we both nerded out about all things film for just over an hour!

We talked about the Pentax 17 campaign, how I became their Ambassador, and all the crazy shit that went down during the launch. We also delved into my journey with film photography, how I try to be real online (even when it's messy), and why I'm so obsessed with the whole film process.

We even got into some deeper stuff, like Disability Accessibility in the creative world and how brands and creators (big and small) can do better. Plus, we talked about navigating brand collaborations, shooting film in the car scene, hosting photo walks, and what the hell is coming next for ‘Josie On Film’ in 2025. (hint: there's a sneaky collab in the works!)

Honestly, chatting with Hashem was a blast. He's such a warm and thoughtful soul and it truly felt like catching up with an old friend. He asked some really insightful questions, and I surprised myself by how much I opened up. I'm not usually one for interviews, but this one felt different. I even listened to it at 2am when it launched (because I have insomnia, of course), and again while scanning my last batch of film for 2024.

The feedback has been amazing! My friends and fellow creatives have said it was informative, honest, and full of "classic Josie vibes." That's exactly what I aim for – no bullshit, just me sharing my journey and hoping it resonates with someone, somewhere.

I'm keen to collaborate with Hashem soon and can't wait to see what he does next. I really appreciated his vulnerability about his own struggles with being authentic online and wanting to reach the same point of not giving a fuck what people think. It's partly why he wanted to interview me in the first place, as he sees a lot of that in me and wanted to know more!

And speaking of putting myself out there... I'm finally taking the plunge and starting a YouTube channel! Scripts are being written, gear is gathered, locations are scouted. As soon as my damn broken toe heals (give it two weeks, maybe?), I'll be out there giving it a red hot go and starting to record!

Who knows, maybe you'll catch me with Scorpion rambling about film out in the wilderness somewhere. Stay tuned, it's gonna be a wild ride!

Josie and Scorpion, the GQ Patrol. Camera: Ricoh KR-10 Super, Lens: Rikenon 28mm f/2.8, Film: Ultramax, Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

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Photo walks + Chill Vibes at Bombo Quarry

Remember how I mentioned hosting photo walks and events? Well, we kicked things off with a bang at Bombo Quarry on the South Coast!

My amazing partner Jordan led his first ever photo walk, and despite it being ridiculously close to Christmas, we had a fucking blast! (You might even have caught a glimpse of it in the Pushing Film podcast video too!)

josie.on.film

A post shared by @josie.on.film

Bombo Quarry is stunning, but let's be real, it's not exactly Disability Accessible. So, to make it work for everyone, Jordan took a small crew to explore and capture some epic landscape shots, while I rolled up in Scorpion and transformed it into a cozy "home base."

Turns out, everyone loved the idea! It was the perfect spot for people to chill, recharge, and have a sneaky little gossip. I was decked out with camping chairs, a fridge/freezer full of icy treats, snacks galore, and even some Christmas lights for extra festive cheer. It was basically a mobile chill-out zone, and I'm making it a regular thing for any photo walk at those awesome but inaccessible locations - assuming I can swing the awning out!

I didn't actually shoot any film myself this time around (despite dragging 5+ cameras with me lol). I was too busy having a blast with the amazing Evie and Gabby. We talked about everything under the sun- creativity, photo walks, accessibility, life, and everything in between! Basically, we were just three iconic Christmas queens, gossiping, munching on snacks, and soaking up the good vibes.

I'm so freaking excited to host more photo walks and workshops in 2025, both free and ticketed. So if you missed out on this one, don't worry! There are plenty more adventures to come. Stay tuned!

A shot of the group taken by the beautiful Evie who was wearing a green dress to contrast with my Red outfit!

All the Things I Did in 2024! (aka Time to Toot My Own Horn)

I gotta admit, I usually suck at acknowledging my own accomplishments. I always feel like it's not enough, like I should be doing more. It's this annoyingly persistent part of my trauma recovery that I'm determined to tackle head-on this year.

But when I actually sat down and listed everything major I did in 2024... holy shit, I was kinda shocked! It's a good reminder to be kinder to myself, to celebrate the wins, and to practice a teeny tiny bit more self-compassion.

(And hey, if you're reading this, I encourage you to do the same! Brag about your accomplishments in the comments, let's celebrate together!)

Welcoming 2025 - Fuck it, I guess I’m losing my mind and doing things differently this time!

I've been over the whole "New Year, New Me!" declaration for a while now. But 2025? This year, things are gonna be actually different, and not in that cheesy, classic resolution-y way.

See, every New Year's Day, I fall into the same stupid and hopeful trap. I grab a shiny new journal (because you have to start fresh always, at least that’s what the influencers say!) convinced this time I'll actually journal every single day.

Spoiler alert: I don't. Life gets in the way, I forget, or get overwhelmed and then I end up beating myself up for "failing" before January's even over.

And don't even get me started on the pressure from social media already this past week. "Rebrand yourself!" they scream. Ugh. As if we need more pressure to change who we are. (Meg says it much better than I can!)

So this year, I'm rebelling. I'm taking my messy, half-used journal, slapping in a half assed and imperfect vision board page, and calling it a day. I’m simply accepting where I'm at, being patient with myself (which, let's be real, is fucking hard), and not being such a perfectionistic asshole.

January is already an emotional minefield for me, with all the grief and trauma-versaries that pop up. I don't need the added pressure of trying to become some so called new version of myself.

This year, I'm embracing the full film gremlin vibes, the messiness of everyday life, the perfectly imperfect me (and that means my film eventually too!) And that feels like a really good way to kick off a new year.

Sometimes I actually suck at film, and there will be plenty more of my gloriously shit out of focus photos in ‘25! Camera: Ricoh KR-10 Super, Lens: 28mm f/2.8, Film: Ultramax, Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

Trauma, Healing, and D.I.D - It's Complicated (and Messy AF)

Speaking of emotional minefields - I've been navigating a whole new stage of trauma therapy these past few months. My long-time therapist Michelle retired (after 8 years working together!). I got a new one who works in a different discipline, and my original secondary therapist is now my primary trauma therapist. It's been a wild shuffle and juggling act, let me tell you!

Some days, especially recently - it feels like I'm right back where I started, like all the progress I thought I made has vanished. It's frustrating as hell. But deep down, I know I'm not actually stuck in the past. I'm facing those shitty moments with more resilience and a whole arsenal of coping mechanisms I've built up over the years thanks to therapists like Michelle.

But even with all that progress, Complex PTSD can still rear its ugly head when you least expect it. Like on New Year's Eve, I got hit with a trigger out of nowhere. Full-blown meltdown, tears, anger, resentment, and of course the depression spiral.

Thankfully, my amazing partner was there to hold me and remind me that healing isn't a linear process, no matter how much I wish it were. It's messy, it's unpredictable, and it's okay to have those moments where the emotions just fucking explode. Our bodies hold onto trauma in ways we can't always understand, and learning to give myself grace through those moments is a fucking struggle.

And here's another layer of complexity: I'm also living with Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D) if you haven’t already caught on. And after getting involved with the Pentax 17 Campaign, I felt this pressure to "act normal”, to downplay my experiences with D.I.D and hide it. I basically went back into full blown denial, pretending I was just a single identity and not a functional but fragmented collective.

(My therapist and I are calling it my “exploration” era, where I tested the waters and decided I/we do not in fact like pretending to not be who we are collectively, and now have to work to not swing to the opposite extreme of utter chaos and undoing all the progress made… yay.)

But I'm done with that, I don’t want to hide it anymore. Think the show Moon Knight, but without the cool costume and superhero powers. It's like having a whole team of people inside my head/body - sometimes working together, sometimes just barely tolerating each other. It's a constant journey of learning to cooperate with all those different identities and live peacefully in this shared life we have.

I'm working with my D.I.D therapist to navigate all this, to let go of the need to hide, and to learn once again to embrace the reality of living with it. It's not "just Josie" anymore; it's a collective effort. And even if it freaks people out, I'm no longer ashamed of that part of my/our life.

A photo one of the ‘alters’ within our collective “K” took on her own Pentax SFXN a few years ago. We’re working on a project where each identity will shoot a roll of film of how they see the world through their unique point of view - a suggestion our therapist Michelle made on the last session we had together. - Film: Colorplus, Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

Finding Balance + Saying "NO" Like I Fucking Mean It

I've always been a "yes!" person, pushing myself to the limit and then some.

And in my quest to be "extraordinary" and "highly functional" (aka pretending my D.I.D didn't exist), I said "yes!" to every opportunity that came my way in 2024 without a thought of the consequences of taking it on.

But I'm realizing that even if I achieved half of what I set out to do, it would still be too fucking much. I'm ready to break up permanently with the burnout, the self-sacrifice, and the pressure to "make it work" at any cost.

This year - 2025 - my health and happiness coming first needs to become non-negotiable. That means saying "No." to unpaid work, setting boundaries even if it ruffles some feathers, and giving myself permission to slow down. I’m determined to lock in on finding a true balance, even at the cost of my potential film career (is it a ‘career’ if it makes you no income???)

I want to be stable in my well-being, be able to physically enjoy my life without constantly being in Fibro Flares, and to be able to do some really fucking wild and cool things - even if it means not making any content about it, not shooting 8+ rolls of film at every event and curating the perfect photos, or *gasp* shooting digital or digicam sometimes!!!

I've literally packed away my scanning setup and put all my professional gear in storage for now. Something totally unheard of for me and everyone thought I was just talking mad shit about doing.

But alas, it happened. It's time for a break. A real break. I'm going on a work-based film photography hiatus until the end of January, maybe longer - we’ll see how things unfold. (funzies and personal rolls with zero expectations don’t count, duh!)

It's time to recharge and reconnect with myself… just minus the broken toes this time around, yeah?

More beach trips on the horizon! Camera: Kodak VR35 K12 Film: 200T, Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

2025 - the Era of ‘No Unpaid Work’ (aka “Net - Pay Me Right Now”)

This whole "setting boundaries" thing is a really big deal for me (and tbh most complex trauma survivors who were stuck in the fawn stage). I'm used to being the one who gives endlessly, the one who bends over backwards for others without care for my own feelings. But honestly, I'm tired of feeling like I’m just a commodity ripe for rapid consumption, or that I'm only valued for what I can produce rather than who I am. I'm not interested in shrinking myself to make others more comfortable anymore.

I'm reclaiming my time, my energy, and my creative power. I'm saying "No." to those who try to exploit my kindness. I’m demanding fair treatment and full compensation for my work. Because guess what? My time and talent are valuable - as so many keep reminding me with the endless praises…

This shift comes from a place of deep resentment and frustration. I've poured my heart and soul into my art, into hundreds of rolls year after year, sacrificing my well-being and financial stability while scraping by on a Disability Pension. And you know what I often get in return? Endless and entitled demands for free labor and excuses about why people who are way better off than me "can't afford to pay."

It's not okay. I'm unsubscribing to further undervaluing myself and letting people take advantage of my situation, my passion, talent, and utter obsession for creating kickass 35mm Film projects like no other artist can. (Their words, not just mine!)

I’m saying an enthusiastic “No!” to:

Unpaid brand or commercial work. Period. End of story.
Unequal compensation and "contra" deals that still leave me in debt or make me overwork and fork out my own money to ‘prove’ I was worth the exchange. I'm not a charity.
"Collabs" that don't align with my vision or benefit me equally, or at all really. My creativity, passion and skills do not exist for you to manipulate me to get free shoots in exchange for so called ‘exposure’.
Net 30/60/90. If I have to pay my invoices immediately, so do you. 50% deposit up front, materials paid in advanced, final payment received before you get deliverables, not after.
I’m not sending six fucking emails, getting phone calls ignored, and being given the run around by anyone ever again. I don’t care how ‘powerful’ you think you are- it’s ridiculous and so unprofessional.

I'm worth it. My work is worth it. And I'm not afraid to demand what I deserve. Even if it costs me a campaign/client or two from here on out.

No free piggy back rides anymore, sorry! Camera: Ricoh KR-10 Super, Lens: Rikenon 28mm f/2.8, Film: Ultramax, Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

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Teaching Film and Sharing My Skills (While Also Protecting my Energy.)

I don't want 2025 to be a repeat of last year, where I constantly felt drained and unstable.

I don't necessarily want to be an "authority" figure either, churning out cookie-cutter film shooters who mimic my style. Instead, I crave cultivating a safe space to share my experiences and journey as I learn and grow, without the pressure of having all the answers all the time.

This new "gatekeeping!!!" that some people accuse me of? It comes from a place of self-preservation. I've had to fight tooth and nail for everything I've achieved, with no one to rely on but myself until recently. It was exhausting having to do it the hard way, and yet I'm still incredibly proud of my skills as a result of all that hard work. I'm not about to just hand that over to someone who hasn't put in a shred of effort.

People see my successes, the praise, the recognition - they see me produce art they dream of creating, and want a shortcut to the end result. They bombard me with questions, expectations, and demands for free education on top of the free labor I’ve already shared. When I explain why I won't be giving more of my knowledge away for free - they get defensive and frankly fucking weird about it.

It's a pattern I've seen time and time again - especially during the Pentax 17 campaign - and I'm just not here for it.

As a trauma survivor, this hits even closer to home. My defenses go up because I know how this story ends. I know I'll end up being taken advantage of, my kindness and generosity exploited… again.

So, I'm protecting my energy when it comes to Workshops, Mentorships, and how much of myself I’m willing to give. Yes, I’ll continue to share my journey in a way that feels good for me, but I'm not giving away all the answers and hard earned knowledge for free. It's not about being secretive either - it’s about respecting and valuing my hard-earned expertise.

If people are truly eager to learn, I'm happy to share my knowledge and experience hands on, but it will be a paid and mutually beneficial exchange.

They don’t call me the Ricoh/Pentax Queen for nothing! - Photographer: Jordan Turner, Film: Ultramax, Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

Sharing My Story - Unfiltered

While 2025 is about setting boundaries and prioritizing myself, it's also ironically about sharing my story more authentically.

I want to be open in other spaces about my experiences with D.I.D, with trauma, and with the goddamn chaos of being an artist while navigating it all. But I'm doing it on my own terms. This isn't about being an inspiration or ‘influencer’ - it's about truly connecting with others, offering support when I can, and reclaiming my lost voice.

I'm doing this all selfishly now, purely for nobody but myself. For that younger version of me who's still healing, the one I’m still trying to find amidst the rubble. For the gloriously talented, smart, kind, generous, loving, compassionate, witty, funny inner self of "Josie" (and all the other parts of my collective, let's be real) who just wants to be seen, heard, celebrated – not just consumed or used when convenient.

It's a fucking hard line to walk. And in the final months of 2024, I started that hard and challenging process which was such an eye opener for what needs to come next.

Here are some ways I'm making major changes in '25:

Embracing the Horizontal
I'm committing to shooting more horizontal content. With my YouTube channel in the works, I'll be recording videos and shooting more videos and 35mm Film horizontally instead of those 4x5 cropped portraits or 9:16 verticals I've been doing for years.

I love capturing the wider context of gorgeous mountain landscapes and the cool atmosphere of car events. It's time to break free from the annoying constraints of Instagram, otherwise I’ll always feel “stuck” when it comes to expressing my art.
Creating More, Consuming Less
I'm committed to consuming less bullshit and creating more joyful work. I mentioned in the Pushing Film podcast that I don't follow many other photographers online (except for friends and colleagues) because it's too easy to get sucked into the comparison trap.

I'm actively working on reducing my online time and focusing on my own creative journey and have spent the last month somewhat successfully reducing screen time. So I’ll keep going with that and hopefully find a good balance.
Write The Fucking Book!
It's happening, one way or another! I'm determined to write and publish my book this year, whether I self-fund it or get a grant or some sort of scholarship to help me kickstart the journey.

Joining supportive writing communities like Aime Mcnee’s “The Inspired Collective” and before that “The Writer’s Space” with Varuna has reignited my passion for writing, and I'm excited to finally write that memoir and poetry book!

Is this considered a fairy archway? Either way it was pretty magical! Camera: Ricoh KR-10 Super, Lens: Rikenon 28mm f/2.8, Film: Ultramax, Self Developed/Scanned/Edited

Looking Ahead - Who the Fuck Knows?! (And That's Okay)

I don't want to say I'll be unrecognizable, because at my core, I've always been myself, both here on Substack and online. But other areas of my life? They’ve suffered massively throughout the last year in one way or another.

This year is full of possibilities. Maybe I'll finally land a grant and publish that book, maybe I'll shoot way less film instead of shooting and self developing 110 rolls like a total nut (seriously, what the fuck?! Again?!), maybe I'll just let go of film being a career for good and focus purely on healing and figuring things out.

Maybe I'll gloriously fade away into nothingness online and disappear into a small cottage in the woods to become a spooky bog witch... Who the fuck knows? But I'm approaching it all with a renewed sense of self-worth and a commitment to living my life in a way that feels like a homecoming.

So, let's dust off that forgotten camera you tossed in the corner in a quest for some GAS, rewind and unload that half-assed curated roll of perfection, slap in a freshie (just not Portra cuz fuck that film stock honestly), and push it to the fucking limits. And screw the opinion of anyone else once the results are in at the end of this next trip we’ll take around the sun.

I guess all that's left for me to say is... You've been given enough of me. It's time to give back to myself in 2025, unapologetically.

May 2025 be the year of glorious inner reconnection and joy for all of us…

See you soon.
xoxo, Josie