Where it all began...
The origin story of Josie On Film
I was looking for a way to navigate through trauma if I’m being honest - I bet you weren’t expecting that! Sorry there’s no cutesy story here of how I got started. I didn’t magically find my talent, or get gifted a camera, or was taken under someone’s wing and shown the way - I was going through absolute hell and needed a way ‘out.’
I needed a creative outlet to help me process some really tough stuff that I shouldn’t have survived. I felt extremely lost outside of the writing I dabbled in and needed something to spark joy in my soul once more.
I didn’t really know what 35mm Film was. I had next to no experience with photography, but for some reason in I just had this strong urge to buy myself a camera. So I did what any young 20 year old would do, and started searching Ebay listings.
I came across a Ricoh KR-10M - mostly seeing a ‘cool’ looking camera that came with a free roll of film - and decided to take a risk. I purchased the camera moments after finding it and eagerly waited for it to arrive. It was a birthday present to myself and I still remember the absolute joy of opening the camera bag it came with to see it neatly packed in bubble wrap.
My sister urged me to snap a quick ‘aesthetic’ shot to share on Instagram to announce to the world that I now have my very own camera.
A little taste…
My first rolls of film were all shot on Superia Xtra, and I’d just play with the camera, slap it on auto and try to figure it out as I went. Back then I wasn’t worried about perfect curation or pushing boundaries, I simply wanted to snap photos of what brings me joy. I didn’t really ‘get’ how film was supposed to work, or that there’s a limit on how many frames you should really be shooting of the same damn tree. I was just having fun for the first time in a long time.
Not to sound super old… Film back then was only a few dollars a roll and the only place to get it developed near my rural town was the closest Kmart. I purchased 10 x 3 packs of Ultramax for about $100 and tried to stretch them out as long as I could, but found myself burning through rolls quite quickly. (My last batch of that film I shot in 2021, but we’ll get to that another time!)
Of course, Kmart kept my negatives and then told me they tossed them out when I asked for them back - honestly, rude - and so I don’t have the originals of my first rolls. All I have are the prints which weren’t particularly great quality and as a result are starting to fade and look crusty.
I didn’t plan to make 35mm Film something I specialized in, or to try to turn it into a career - one that would ultimately ‘fail’ (more on that soon), and now lead me here, sitting with you, writing about it. I just wanted to document life. And that’s exactly what I did until I met my other half Jordan at the end of 2020 just as the first pandemic lockdown lifted.
We bonded over being writers during the early days, and I soon discovered he was a Filmmaker and a Portrait Photographer - Digital of course. I didn’t have a digital camera, only film for the first few months. I got my hands on a second hand Canon 1100D (still using it!) that my sister gave me as she was upgrading her own gear, and that’s when my partner said “Have you ever considered shooting portraits? You have a natural talent, I think you’d be really good at it!” and the rest is history really. He arranged a model and threw me in the absolute deep end fully believing I’d flourish… and I did.
I created my Instagram on February 16th, 2021 to document my progress as I developed new skills.
I was even fortunate enough to connect with some incredible Photographers, HMUA’s, Models, and just really creative people in the industry.
- I’ve been featured in Analogue Wonderland’s list of female film photographers - I’m #153
Won a monthly challenge hosted by OurStoriesOnFilm for ‘best photo’ in August of 2021, which was sponsored by Beginning Film - in which I got a pro pack of Portra 400!
I’ve even been invited to Sony Sponsored events where I got to do some cool digital vs film comparisons and borrowed a setup that was tailored to my specific style of shooting. I was also lucky enough to be the Makeup Artist for one of the gorgeous models I got to work with, and that event is definitely one I look back on fondly.
I continued to shoot both Digital and Film during my first few Editorial Photoshoots. I then became a professional Makeup Artist after just a few months as my partner needed a MUA and it’s another passion of mine I had wanted to pursue since I was a teen.
Following that I became a Hairstylist as well, and by that point I had fully launched into ‘Josie On Film’ as a career and was trying to market myself as a Luxury 35mm Film Photographer & HMUA, mainly focusing on empowering photoshoots and one-of-a-kind experiences.
Eventually I just reached a point where as much as I liked having Digital as backup, I was really missing my origins and was sick of switching between the two formats. Because the Digital shots were always edited and sent out early I started losing the excitement and drive when the film eventually came back from the Lab 4-6 weeks later. I decided I needed to just focus entirely on making my film experience better for myself and for others.
So we came to a compromise, Jordan would shoot digital as a backup in case my rolls failed (they have, just once) and I would stick to strictly 35mm Film.
Developing my own film
I can’t exactly remember when I decided to transition from sending my film to labs, to then developing them myself, but that was a slippery slope in itself. I was dissatisfied with waiting times and how expensive it was to get TIFF files back from labs, and was convinced there was a more cost effective way to go about it considering how many rolls per month I’d end up shooting.
I saved up and invested my time into learning the art of self development, both C-41 and Black and White. It then escalated into DSLR scanning, learning retouching, dust removal, etc - I wanted to do everything myself without anyone else doing it for me.
To date I have developed over 150 rolls of film, about 100 or more of them being my own rolls - both professional portraits, and my own personal collection.
My skill and dedication with my 35mm Film and the Self Dev process catching people’s attention has allowed me to go on to recently do some really cool projects. I got to be on board to design the Makeup and sew part of the costume for the ‘Overgrown Priestess’ for Newhaven’s latest music video - Water On Mars. I even had the chance to take part in a mini photoshoot to show off my hard work with the gorgeous Lara just before the holidays, and what an amazing way to wrap up portrait shoots for 2022!
A love story, kind of?
It’s absolutely wild to think about it sometimes, but I am just so incredibly in love with the process of it all. Every aspect of 35mm Film I have dived into I’m utterly enchanted by.
There’s something so special to me that I get to plan out these cool photoshoots, show up, do someone’s hair and makeup, even create an outfit or props for them to go with the theme, and be absolutely in my element taking the most beautiful photos of them. Then I get to go home and do all the technical stuff I love, get my hands dirty and watch the rolls come out right before my eyes… Just. Wow. There aren’t enough words to describe how incredible it is every time.
It's something I find myself sometimes taking for granted, this space I have to be able to do all the things I once could only dream of as a younger artist.
This photoshoot in particular I am so proud of. I spent 3 days awake for ridiculous hours hand sewing the little flowers onto the tulle cape. I burnt myself badly making the butterfly and flower crown. My blood, sweat and tears went into this shoot. I hired out the most amazing studio in Sydney and got to utilize Mica’s amazing backdrops (peep them in this cute reel!).
My partner Jordan helped me pull it altogether and it ended up being one of my most successful photoshoots… even earning me a little bit of jealousy amongst other Photographers (not something to brag about, it was genuinely distressing actually.) Yes, it totally sent me into debt for a bit but oh it was so worth it, I was so happy with the end result!
Sadly it was also the start of my downfall and everything coming to a dramatic end - at least for now.
The bubble pops…
I can admit with the pressures of social media such as Instagram, and the harsh reality of the creative industry, combined with my own Disability complications - I burned out.
I crashed hard and fast, and seriously injured myself attempting to keep up with what was expected of me from both myself and others.
I lost myself. I spent too much time seeking validation from others, chasing publications, trying to get my name out there, trying desperately for people to adore what I do, to want to work with me, to want to see what I’m capable of. To make some money and just get by instead of always financially struggling because of my health.
I wanted someone to love me - scratch that, I wanted everyone to love and adore me - because I stopped loving myself. And I couldn’t fill that void no matter how hard I tried.
So here we are, Film Fam, that gets us to today! Right now I can’t hold a camera for more than a few minutes without pain, and that sucks.
I’ve had to stop providing the luxury services I was/still am known and loved for, and am on strict rest and recovery to avoid the potential for shoulder surgery. Yes, of course I’m heartbroken about it.
I feel lost again because 35mm Film and ‘being a specialist’ became my entire identity, but it also became one that I started to hate. I couldn’t even look at some of my greatest work without being overly critical and trying to outdo myself.
I still can’t some days when my sadness about it all overwhelms me.
I’m slowly getting to a better place with the help of professionals, an amazing support system - including some of the beautiful souls I’ve met along the way - and I’m just trying now to figure out what I really want to do.
Part of me wants to get back to the origins of why I started with 35mm Film - just for fun, because I wanted to, because I loved it. Start all over again - without the fear of missing out, or beating myself up and just… enjoy it once more. Find that little spark of joy that 20 year old me once found, and soak it all in. The other part of me is grieving that I may never shoot fucking amazing portraits ever again.
I don’t know what the future holds, and that’s a scary thing to reckon with.
Okay, I think you get the idea, let’s wrap it up!
I’ll leave you with the breakthrough that led me to writing about this, and deciding to share all I have to offer in a way that makes sense for me, this new blog/newsletter thing. (I’m a published writer/poet after all… you’ll see snippets of that life mixed with photography soon!)
And that is: You get another chance.
No matter what, you can start again. You can come back and find your way through it all. There’s no ‘endings’, just new paths to explore. New ways to navigate unexpected limitations. You get another chance to create the art you want to create, in a way that is sustainable and makes you genuinely happy.
Okay? Okay, you got this! We’re in this together.
With that I hope you’ll settle in and join me on this journey! I have so much to share, so many rolls I’m proud of, so many harsh lessons, and nuggets of wisdom to pass along. So please, this is for me as much as it is for you, don’t hesitate to ask me questions, or comment and engage. I want to share what I can, I want to give back to myself, and to others and create a better space for exploring film in a way that feels good.
Thanks for sticking it out this far, and I hope to see you back here soon.
Until the next roll, take care!
Xoxo, Josie